just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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