a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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