my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
