Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They took my balls.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
