i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Green mimosas i think yes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
