I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
