i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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