so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
