whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
