she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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