I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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