I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
