It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
