i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
