She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
