I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
