New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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