i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
