In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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