So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
