i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
