it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
