Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I AM VODKA MAN
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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