He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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