My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
