My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
