No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
