He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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