I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
