Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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