would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
