I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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