I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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