you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
