I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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