She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
