Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
