he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
