There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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