I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
