I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
