Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
