If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
