I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Randomize
