Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
