she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
