she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.