She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff