just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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