I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...