Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.