we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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