Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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