he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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