btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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