just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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