he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
