That's when you crack a 10am beer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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