You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you win again, gameday.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
