dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
