He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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