If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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