I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
