remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
