Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
