i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
