Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
