considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's blow job season.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need to calm my uterus...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
