It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He did a backflip because drugs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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