I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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