Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
