why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We talked him into tasing himself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
