hotel room ftw
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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