he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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